What do I do without you?
by sherlocks-skeletal-warlock
Summary: Hikaru Sulu vanishes on a mission, leaving poor Pavel Chekov to try and get on without him. But Hikaru's absence affects the whole crew in different ways and what will they do without their young pilot? Chulu. Some Spones and Spirk mixed in. TRIGGER WARNING. Violence, torture, mentions of self harm and slavery
1. Those that leave us

Those that leave us…

Breaths' coming sharp and fast in his throat, Hikaru Sulu surveys his options as he runs full pelt across the rough terrain. He knows several things: He knows the Andoran slave traders are almost upon Commander Spock and the Captain as they run behind him; he knows the Enterprise is damaged; he knows this meant they could only beam up two people at once and he knows at this proximity to the Adorans, they aren't all going to make it. One would have to stay behind. He opens his communicator.

"Scotty! Beam the Captain and Mister Spock up!"

"Bu' Sulu, ye know-"

"I know! I know! But this is the only way! Do it now!" Hikaru watches as Kirk and Spock vanish into golden light, Kirk's shout ringing in his ears,

"SULU!" The pilot drops his communicator and his phaser as the Andoran's reaches him. Their leader sneers.

"We didn't get the Captain or the Vulcan, but he'll do. Nice, lithe body. Someone'll pay a pretty penny for something as attractive as this." Hikaru does not react as they crush his comm and phaser, grinning.

"Chain him up." As he is forced to the ground, spiked collar with a lead being fastened around his neck, the young Lieutenant thinks only one thing.

_I'm so glad Pavel was not on this mission._

_..._

Said navigator stands in the transporter room, fiddling with his cuffs as Scotty beams up the Captain and Commander Spock. There is still the dying shout on his lips that chills Pavel to the bone.

_Sulu. _

"V-vhere ees Heekaru?" stutters the Russian. Looking crushed, Kirk looks at him.

"I'm sorry..."

"N-nyet. Nyet! Tell me vhere he ees, Keptin!" Pavel's Russian accent gets thicker with his distress and Spock replies,

"Lieutenant Sulu stayed behind to save the Captain and me from the Andoran slave traders." If Kirk's shout chilled him to the bone, Spock's words crush his heart.

"A-Andoran slave traders..." the navigator echoes, beginning to shake. The Captain walks over.

"Listen, Chekov, we'll find him. I don't care what Starfleet says, that man saved my life more times than I care to count. He's the best, most loyal pilot I have ever known and we're gonna get him back." Pavel looks up at him.

"Promeese?"

"I promise.


	2. Always leave their mark

…Always leave their mark

Jim looks at the twitchy ensign sitting in the pilot's chair and sighs. He misses Hikaru. The young Asian was always astute, ready and calm and the Captain misses that. Without him, the crew is weakened. Turning to his helm again, he looks at Pavel. The Russian has already made several simple mistakes and is fumbling.

"Chekov, go see McCoy," he gently instructs. As the navigator turns to look at him, the young American can see that Pavel hasn't slept since Hikaru was captured three days ago.

"B-but sir…."

"Pavel, you haven't slept for days. Go see Bones." Nodding, the Russian vacates his post and slips down to medical. Jim sighs; not only is the loss of his best pilot affecting the crew as a whole, it's going to cost him his navigator too. But Pavel and Hikaru are more than that to him. They are his friends and he sees them like sons, to protect. The Captain is filled with guilt because he could not save the pilot.

_I hope to god Hikaru is okay… well at least alive._

…

Leonard McCoy sighs as Pavel slopes into his medical bay.

"Over here, kid," he says waving Pavel over. The Russian stumbles and Leonard catches him, supporting him as he leads him into his office.

"You haven't been sleeping, have you?"

"Doktor…" begins the navigator before he slumps in his chair. "Nyet. Nyet seence 'Karu…" he chokes up and trails off. The doctor puts his arm around the kid.

"I know. I'm sorry, Chekov. It's not fair; Sulu's a good man and that… I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I'm sorry. I know you loved him." The Russian whimpers, burying his head in Leonard's chest as he cries softly.

"I lowe heem so much eend I cen't bare to zheenk ebout vhat he ees goeeng zhrough… Oh, my Heekaru…" Pavel sobs, unable to stop. The doctor keeps his arm around the boy as he cries himself into an exhausted slumber. Then, gently, the Georgian doctor transfers the young Russian to a medical bed and lays a blanket over him.

_The poor kid… I hope we'll find Sulu soon_

…

Hikaru Sulu is afraid, trembling and cold. He tugs at his collar, coughing as it strangles him. Shirtless and trembling, he stretches to inspect the agonising brand on his shoulder. It looks like a circle, made of two intertwining snakes and it burns, so painfully.

"Get the kid!" yells a gruff voice and Hikaru yelps as his collar is yanked roughly, the spikes driving into his skin. The Andoran drags him out into the open, where the other Andoran's sit. Forcing him to his knees, one of them slaps him hard.

"Scum." Hikaru is then treated to half an hour of abuse, until his battered black and blue before being dragged back to the vehicle he is being kept in. As he is abandoned there, in terrible pain, he thinks of home

_I wonder how Pavel is… I miss the Enterprise. _


	3. Psychical pain is nothing

**A/N: SORRY SORRY OKAY. School work sucks. Anyway, here's the third chapter. MENTIONS OF SELF HARM BUT NO ACTUAL CUTTING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

Physical pain is nothing…

Hikaru doesn't know how long it takes the slave traders to reach their destination, only that he's in a great deal of pain. Then there's a hammering on a door and Hikaru is tugged out of the truck by his collar, spluttering at the pain. They force him to his knees, yanking his hair so that his head is tilted up. Before him stands a weasely man, with small cold eyes and lifeless hair. Surveying Hikaru, he nods and says in a nasal voice,

"Well, it's a prime specimen but you have damaged it. So… it's worth less. Instead of a thousand… you can have nine hundred and thirty. Deal?"

"Nine fifty," growls the Andoran.

"Nine forty!" snaps the man. Hikaru feels sick.

_My god. They're arguing over the cost of me? The cost of a person. Ha. They don't seem to see me as a person anyway. _

The Andoran and the man finally decide on nine hundred and forty three docklets for Hikaru and he is dragged into the house by his collar. Dumping him in a very small room, the man chains Hikaru to a wall like a dog and leaves. Hikaru looks around the room, slumped against the wall. It's barely bigger than a cupboard, enough room for Hikaru and that's about it. Darkness fills the room; there is no light source.

"I suppose this is where I'll be staying…"mutters Hikaru, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them.

_Pavel, dearest, are you thinking of me?_

…

Pavel sits curled up in a corner of medical, murmuring to himself in frantic Russian. It has been two weeks since Hikaru was taken and the Russian was taking the brunt of the pain. Feeling sick, abjectly lonely, guilty and terrified, the navigator has taken to hiding in parts of the ship where he feels safe. He knows that he was worrying the crew but he couldn't think of anything, anyone but the pilot and what he must be going through. McCoy has been keeping a watchful eye on the boy, making sure he is eating and sleeping. But he doesn't know about the scars and Pavel is careful to keep it that way. He knows that he shouldn't resort to that but he is so low, so upset that he can't help himself. He misses Hikaru like he would miss a lung.

_Oh Hikaru, I'm so sorry. I love you so much_

…

Nyota hates seeing Pavel like this. The young Russian seems empty, sat alone in the rec-room, nursing a glass of vodka. She knows that Hikaru's loss has hit him harder than the rest of them and that upsets her. She has always seen Pavel as someone to protect and care for, like a younger brother and Hikaru is her best friend. Her shoulder to cry on. She can't even think of him, what he must be going through. Slipping over to Pavel, she sits beside him.

"Hey, Pasha."

"Oh. Hey Nyota," the Russian murmurs in response.

"How's it going?" she presses.

"You knov… Ze usual. Okay, I suppose." Nyota sighs but realises that whatever she does, she isn't going to get much more than the general from the navigator.

_Oh, 'Karu, where are you?_


	4. Compared to the mental pain of losing

**A/N: SO SORRY School's getting me down. But this is nice and long for you. Here you go! MORE MENTIONS OF SELF HARM**

… Compared to the mental pain of losing you

Scotty glances over at Pavel whilst he works in engineering, watching the boy. Pavel is only wearing his black undershirt, pulled up past his elbows. From his vantage point, Scotty can see the red gashes that lace across the Russian's arms. Engineering is empty apart from the two of them; it is late.

"Pav?"

"Da?" The navigator turns to him. Usually, Scotty would have been graced with a smile but Pavel hasn't smiled in the three months Hikaru had been missing. Worry rises in Scotsman's chest and he steps closer, looking at his arms.

"Er ye okay, laddie?" The Russian blushes, pulling down his sleeves.

"Da, da. I em feene."

"Ye know, ye can always come talk to me or Leo if ye need to."

"I knov. Zhank you." Pavel then hurries away before Scotty can stop him. With a heavy sigh, Scotty heads towards medical bay and knocks on the CMO's office door. Leonard opens the door with a weary smile.

"Monty? I thought you were on shift with Pavel?"

"Yeah. Ah've gotta talk to ye." Leonard frowns and waves him inside. The engineer slopes into a chair opposite him.

"What's on your mind?"

"I's Pavel. There's… marks on his arms."

"Marks? You mean cuts?" The doctor drops his voice in worry. The Scotsman nods fearfully.

"Ah know tha' he's havin' a hard time an' tha' he loves Hikaru bu' he's hur'in' himself!" With a long exhale, the CMO nods.

"I'll keep an eye on him. We can't lose him too."

"Ta, Leo. He's gone back to his room, nae."

"Okay. I'll pay him a quick visit. See you after your shift, yeah, Monty?" Scotty presses a chastise kiss to Leonard's lips.

"Yeah. See ye later, Leo." The engineer leaves.

_Oh, man, Sulu… your absence is ripping us apart_

…

The gruff doctor knocks gently on the door to Pavel's quarters, waiting silently for the Russian to answer it. When he comes to the door, Leonard gives the navigator his most reassuring smile and Pavel lets him in.

"Doktor? Vhat cen I do for you?" he asks, waving the other man into a chair. Leonard suddenly becomes serious.

"How're you doing, kid? Honestly?" The Russian slumps, head dropping into his hands.

"Honestly? I'm bad. I need heem, Leo. I need heem vheeth me." They were both quiet for a long time.

"Monty told me about the cuts." The doctor sighs as the navigator flinches, rubbing his wrists.

"Zhey help me to nyet concentrate on heem. I cen deal vheeth ze pain for a few meenutes."

"Pavel, kid," Leonard murmurs, looking up at him. "You know Monty and I are always here if you need a friend." He makes a mental note to keep a very close eye on the boy over the next few weeks.

"Da, da. I knov. I… I just need heem." The Georgian doctor lets out another heavy sigh.

"Don't we all kid? Don't we all?"

_Sulu, where in hell are you? We goddamn need you._

…

Commander Spock would have been blind not to see that young Pavel Chekov is having a hard time. Silently, he checks up on the navigators work rate and finds that it changes. There are days when he barely sleeps or takes breaks, working for hours on end. But in contrast, there are days when he puts in half his work. The Vulcan sighs, making a mental note to speak to Doctor McCoy. He stands, walking from the bridge to find his Captain. Knocking on the door, the Commander pauses outside Jim Kirk's quarters; the door slides open and he walks inside.

"Spock?" mutters Jim, looking up from his paperwork. "What's up?"

"I am concerned about Ensign Chekov's wellbeing, sir." The Captain is quiet for a few minutes.

"We all are, Spock. He's having a hard time."

"Captain, with all due respect, sir, after losing Lieutenant Sulu, we cannot afford to lose Ensign Chekov." Jim's sigh is long and heavy.

"I know. But you've gotta understand; he lost the love of his life. It's not something you just get over, Spock. Especially when there's still hope." Spock notices that Jim looks older, deep bruises under his eyes from sleep loss and blonde hair ruffled.

"I understand that. I just believe that we should be cautious about his health." Slowly, the Captain raises his head and fixes the young Vulcan with an intense stare from those cobalt eyes.

"You're genuinely worried, aren't you?"

"We cannot perform our duty without-" Jim cuts him off.

"Spock."

"Yes, Jim. I am genuinely worried for Ensign Chekov's health." With a short nod, the other man drops his gaze.

"Yeah, well, we all are. I've sent a message to Starfleet Command, requesting permission to go look for Sulu but no such luck. He's been filed as 'Missing, Presumed Dead'."

"Have his family been informed?"

"By Starfleet. I guess I should write them a report." Jim falls silent for a long moment. "Sulu was a goddamn good man."

"Do not despair, Jim, There is a possibility that Lieutenant Sulu is still alive."

"Yeah, yeah. But the hope is dwindling." Spock sighs quietly.

"I understand that." Jim stands, beginning to pace.

"I miss him, Spock. They say you never know what you miss until it's gone. I miss his calm approach and his ease. We need him back, Spock."

"I agree, Jim. I agree."

_Lieutenant Sulu has a bigger effect on the crew than I previously thought_


End file.
